How Letting Go of People Pleasing Revived My Career and Relationships

Overcoming my people-pleasing tendencies has led to less burnout, more satisfaction in my life, and greater well-being.

I have more energy, I like my job more, and my relationships are improving.

It’s crazy because I had the people-pleasing tendencies so I could do better in my job and be better in my relationships. Still, the people-pleasing tendencies would dig me into a bigger hole rather than getting me out of that stickiness.

People pleasing at my job led me to try to cover EVERYTHING in a 20-minute visit and would lead me to cover things that were not within my scope of practice. This led to me running late for my other patients, led me to doing work that was not my responsibility, led me to go home every day exhausted and having no energy for my husband or myself. This then led me to question my entire choice of career.

In my relationships, I would hold in my feelings for fear that sharing how I felt would hurt the other person. I would hold in my feelings until I just fell out of love with the person because I never let them know how I felt.

They would continue the behaviors that caused me to no longer want to be with them because I never directly addressed them. I was queen of beating around the bush, finding the “gentlest” ways of saying things. But foreal, I would package the things I wanted them to do in ways that looked like it was something they wanted to do.

For example, instead of directly saying, “I need alone time, do you mind if I get some me-time.” I would encourage them to go out with their friends or meet up with so-and-so who is in town. Since I wasn’t direct with my requests, it seemed like optional suggestions. Not musts.

My people-pleasing tendencies would make excuses on why I shouldn’t confront people and make excuses for them without ever talking to them.

As a people pleaser, I was afraid of rejection, of being disliked, of being seen as selfish for having needs.

I would make excuses for people like, “Oh they’re just like that because of all their traumas”. I would say yes and then regret the decision later. I would try to make everyone else happy and feel frustrated when they weren’t. I would continually feel hurt, neglected, sad, and bitter.

So how did I overcome these problems?

I recognize that at the root level of my exhaustion was people-pleasing. I recognized the people pleaser and how it was hurting me.

I tuned into what I needed and what I wanted. This is important because, through this knowledge, I can ask for what I need and want. I can also address when things are out of alignment.

I give myself grace for when my people pleaser takes center stage. I give myself grace if I have to go back on my commitments or if I have to change my mind. All of this work is not step-wise or linear, but more like a web of thoughts, processing, labeling, mindfulness, and action.

I’m still a work in progress, but I can confidently say that I’m in a much better place nowadays than I was before.

I have more job satisfaction. I have more energy. I don’t feel guilty for caring for myself with massages and expensive pole classes. I don’t feel as guilty for saying no. I don’t feel as bad if I feel introverted in a new group.

I’m okay with still being a work in progress 🙂